Human Connection and Love


Posted on August 11, 2019 by Aisah in Be Better,Personal Improvement,Random thoughts

**Note by Aisah: Each person you meet is like a book, and sometimes you find that some books also write. 🙂 I asked fellow grey haired person and spiritual being Jordi to write a post for me about human connection and love. Because i thought he could really provide value and honest insight in these universal topics.  **

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So Aisah, asked me to write an article about love and human connection. There were other options. But this one really struck me. Love and human connection are really two topics that keep the majority puzzled and busy. I postponed writing for two full weeks because of other obligations but today Sunday 21 of July I decided to begin at once on this project.

HUMAN CONNECTIONS

Let’s start with human connections. After all, even in love, the connection (relationship) is the basis. Relationships consist of lots of elements and part. But if we take the time to carefully analyze all of them, we will see that we can reduce all the parts to just three main elements. All others are sub element or results from these three basic elements.

Reality

The first is Reality. What does that mean? For the readers I suggest you look this up on the internet. The definition and origin of the word. Reality can mean the state of things as they actually are. But let’s go deeper. We all know that the state of everything can change. Therefore reality is the agreement we have with ourselves or with others about the state of things at the moment. So we could say that reality is agreement. In terms or relationships we could ask: do both parties agree with each other or not? Person #1 has reality A. Person #2 has reality B. How big is the difference.

Emotions / Affinity

The second element is the “softer” side. There are many names but we usually call this part the “emotions” or “affinity”. In this case it’s two things. The emotional state a person is in at the moment and secondly the emotion both parties have towards each other. There are two opposites in the latter. To like one or not and everything in between. A high level of “liking” (affinity) means that Person #1 and Person #2 are very comfortable with each other. They can easily be in the same place and be very happy about it. A low level of “liking” (affinity) is the opposite. The means that Person #1 would prefer to be as far as possible from person #2. Therefore the second element can be easily understood as the “distance” between two parties.

Communication

The third element and most powerful and most important is communication. Communication means transferring ideas from a “sender” to a “receiver”. Verbally or non-verbally. In relationships it means finding out if two parties are in communication or not. You have communication, no communication and a whole gradient in between. The quality of the way of communicating is therefore very important.

How do these three elements relate to each other?

As we said affinity is the distance between two parties. Have you ever tried communicating with someone that hates you or is very very angry with you? That means the level of affinity that person has for you at that moment is very low. Probably because that person had a major realization that you have a completely different reality than theirs. For example: for you it was ok to come home after midnight after a night of clubbing with the friends. For the spouse it was not. The difference in reality, caused the affinity level to drop making communication very difficult. Sometimes this communication becomes so difficult it leaves the higher realm of “transferring ideas” and falls into the realm of “solids” such as blows, kicks etc.

The above mentioned example shows a very important fact in the relation between the three. They are so connected that if one changes one of them (up or down) the other two will move accordingly. So if the level of reality drops, so will affinity and communication. If the level of affinity drops, so will communication and reality. If the level of communication drops, so will affinity and reality. There are millions of examples to prove this.

And the source of almost all the problems in all types of relationships can be traced back to a drop in one of the three basic elements of relationships. But this understanding of the connection between the three opens the door to a very beautiful part of wisdom. To repair any problem in any kind of relationship, one should just start working on one of the elements to improve the others. Just develop the skill to be able to determine which element is the biggest problem between the two parties and which element you can start with.

For example: A mother and daughter keep fighting because the reality between the two is so big. Maybe because of the age gap, who knows? Therefore the affinity is very low between the two and communication about that difference in reality is very difficult. The mother could easily start solving this by looking for a subject that would be easy to talk (communication) about with her daughter. A subject that will surely have a positive effect on the level of affinity between the two. A subject where both do not have a difference in reality but rather a subject where both agree on. Let’s say that the daughter really likes rock music. The mother could start a conversation about that and tell her daughter that when she was younger she used to love rock music as well. Maybe even let her daughter listen to the music she used to listen to “back in the day”.

Can you see the communication taking form? Can you see the mutual affinity building up? Can you see the realities aligned? Now, both can continue this until they come up to a generally high level of affinity, reality and communications. Eventually they will both be able to talk about the more difficult things and reach agreements much faster. Sometimes this process works very fast, sometimes it takes a bit time. But I promise that it will always works. It just depends in how much effort you are willing to put into working on these three elements of relationships. The results will be trust and understanding. And isn’t that what’s it all about?

 

LOVE

Love is one of the most beautiful things existing in this universe. Songs have been sung about it, movies have been made about it and books have been written about it. The information about love out there is mind bogglingly huge. But look around…How many people do you see struggling with love? A lot. But why? The shortest answer is that most people do not know what love really is. Most of the songs, movies, books, and lectures on love have changed the true meaning of the word. And there is this rule: If you cannot understand something exactly for what it is, you will never be able to do or control it completely. A quick online search for the definition of love resulted in the following: “a strong feeling of affection and sexual attraction for someone”

Is that really all that all the “bright minds” of this world could come up with? This is actually the reason why there is such a thin line between love and hate. I will not go into everything about love because that would definitely make me exceed the 1500 word mark for this project, but I will leave you with the real definition of love.

 

Love is devoted admiration with observation. What does that mean? Admiration: to admire the existence of someone, to find interest, pleasant interest or pleasant excitement in the existence of the other person. It is emotion and action; to be able to respect and admire livingness in a person rather than trap and cage that person or his/her livingness for possession. And that’s the biggest difference between love (as defined these days) and what love really should be, admiration.

 

Something or someone which is “loved” has to be trapped or caged but a thing or someone that is admired is someone whom you would like to see free. I once read a beautiful quote: “When you like a flower, you just pluck it. But when you love a flower, you water it daily.” It’s very close to what I am trying to explain here.

 

To be able to admire the existence of someone, you need to be able to observe the person. You need a high level of interest in the person. Something that is very rare these days in romantic relations. We are so obsessed with fulfilling our own needs (mentally, spiritually and physically) that we lose interest in who the other person really is and what they need. We lose interest and we become interesting, because at that point it’s all about ourselves.

Read the definition for love I found online again. That’s a very selfish meaning of the word.  To love truly, both partners should stop being interesting and try to have more interest in the other. Interest to observe. Observe who the person really is. What the other person really needs. Up until the point where we start admiring that existence and livingness of the other. Now imagine both partners doing that continuously… well that’s love.

Author

Jordi Ronowidjojo

Jordi Ronowidjojo Researcher at Tirips Words and Art I may not change the world but I will certainly touch the minds / spirits that will... This life's mission was inspired by a famous artist. Every word I write is dedicated to that purpose. We can all have our part in inspiring these beautiful souls. Maybe you’re even one of them. Tirips is Spirit spelled backwards. Every major philosophy and religion speaks about the Spirit. My first biggest discovery was the realization that we are not our body but that we are in fact a Spirit and we have a body. Tirips is not a religion but we respect all religions. We are not into politics but we support all honest and ethical political leaders. But most importantly, we pledge to support every positive impulse that contributes to survival of all life and spirituality on this planet. We do not necessarily present new information. We simply research old and new wisdom extensively and figure out the practical use. The focus on who I am not that important. The goal I want to achieve is. Tirips has grown into an awesome small team. And we continue growing little by little every day. It’s a team I keep close to my heart. Join us on this journey…


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