This morning i made a choice. To be better. A better parent, A better person , a better friend , a better partner , a daughter. friend. colleague. I would take all my insecurities and shove them up theirs. Yaaas the new me. Happy. Go-getter. Believer. Calm and full of inspiration. Glad with what i have and not complaining over what i don’t have. “I am Titanium” (You know from the David Guetta song)
And then. The critics came. Different things. From different places. from people i know. People i don’t know. Even from people i love. Those are the hardest to take.
“Eve you didn’t do this right”, “Eve This may not be happening for you”, “Eve Why the hell are you looking at a closed door?”, “Eve you forgot this” “Eve you are ungrateful” (No i am not, am i? Whyyy?! are you saying that! Silence. hellloooo!?!)
Positive self-talk. Gone. Smile, Still there but shaky. The bad choices and negative self-talk from your past seem to want to get a hold of you. Maybe even bad choices from other people. Self- empowerment seems like a plane that left you because you forgot to check in.
You feel guilty. You feel warm in your face and you have these feeling of vengeance in your stomach like a knot you are not able to untie. And you stop talking , you build that wall which is so high even Rapunzel’s hair isn’t long enough to get there. And they stay away. the people who love you. The people who would give you the moon if you ask them. You shut them out. it’s cool. Because they also tell you bad stuff anyway (right?)
I want to say this. Even then. you can make the choice again. To be better. A better parent , A better person, a better friend, a better partner, a daughter. friend. colleague. You can get a hold of yourself again when you are feeling that. You can start the positive self-talk. Again. and one day it will be consistent. you just need to be aware.
I think of it like this. We have 1 thing in common. We want to be happy. And we are on this journey where: If I am happy, you are happy. En i know that you are happy if i make the choice to be happy. Just as you are making the choice now to be happy again, to be great, to be kind, to be the person you needed when you were little, full of dreams but didn’t know how to realize them.
Yes honey. You can.
With all the positive i have in my soul and heart.
and of course
a twinkle and a smile,
(This post is a rough translation from one i’ve written in Dutch)